It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
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