I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
