The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You are a genius and a whore.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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