dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
