Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You ruined the universe
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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