Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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