We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
