It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
