Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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