Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
