I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
