oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
