I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
