Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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