After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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