I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
