Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm at about main and main street
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
