Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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