i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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