i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
