I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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