Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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