this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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