Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
