If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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