My nipple is on Facebook.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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