Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
