I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
