You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
