Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
