Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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