I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
