he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
