Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
