I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
