If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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