You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
