I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
