He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
