I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
