Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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