just tell him i said nine months
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
