Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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