and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
