hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
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smell my finger.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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