I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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