Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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