I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
