I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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