It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
