Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
