Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We were destined to go to rehab together
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
