I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
