man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
