she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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