someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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