There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
