We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Randomize
