Pants 0. Shit 1.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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