Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
