I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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