how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
