If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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