We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
