do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.