direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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