I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.