I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
