Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
