i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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