I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
