hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The air taste purple.
Randomize
