I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
