1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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