One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
