we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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