I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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