so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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