I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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