Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
time to smoke my breakfast
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
