I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize