i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
